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Although before "Flat Mates" was filmed I had managed to suppress mydesire to dress and had sublimated my passion into my writing, the lastfew months ...orking within the transgendered community had opened myeyes to what I was missing. There had been several occasions when I haddressed and gone out in public as "Caroline" and having let her out ofthe closet, she showed no interest in being forced back in again! Itried to explain all this to Maureen but with only limited success; shekept repeating. They were all exhausted, agitated—anything but calm and focused. Along with that problem, there were the social norms and parental pressures operating under the surface. The rare kid who was overweight had a much tougher time being accepted in this country. Schooling was made so competitive that anyone who couldn’t ace a test while sleep deprived was deemed inferior. That’s why I tried to be a relaxed teacher who went easy on the students. They were under enough pressure without me trying to. Someone that I had been seeing for a long time. However, things changed. I went dress shopping with my friend Becky. Then lingerie shopping. She wasn't a virgin and was very much planning to sleep with her boyfriend after prom. She helped me pick out a tan and black lace bra that would work with my dress and a matching thong. The nylon fabric was soft, the lace sexier than anything I had in my underwear drawer. What was the big deal. It was just sex. He was hot, an amazing kisser when his hands. He was telling me,“You got to see this, Sarge! It is totally weird!”In a land of chaos, it was hard to define weird.The raging brown water was frothing at the edges from the torrential rainfall in the moonless night. At first, I thought there were stacks of logs being floated down the river like from some lumber yard. Then, I realized there were no lumber yards in Vietnam. Most of the wood they used in building was imported and firewood was better picked up off the ground. Dead burns better.
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